My sunshine(s)

I am not in a place where I want can post about all the positive things going on in my life, and I do know and realize that there are a lot of those. The negative is just overwhelming me at the moment, which is generally all my fault. The overwhelming part, not the negative, that's not all my fault, lol. So, lets just go with the truth...kids edition.
The kids are good. 
Parker is having Daddy issues. As of late, as much as a Mommy's Boy he is, he is all about the Daddy. Copying him, following him, crying when he leaves him. It's adorable and ridiculous at the same time.  He is actually having issues when any of our family leaves and he is left without them, doesn't matter who it is. He is so unbelievably tall and is becoming more and more of a little man every day. He got his first big boy hair cut last week. I can have long conversations with this toddler and he understands every word as opposed to zoning out within the first few words like he did a few months ago or like his tween age sister does to me now. He is very interested in potty training, and school ends in 2 weeks...so we're starting then. I'm excited, and I know he is too! We are working on creating a better sleeping arrangement for him because the one he has is not working for him or for me, but it is really slow going. Lots of deterrents, but meh...
Maddie really loves school but has been facing some issues with exclusion from friends that I did not expect at this age, it kinda blows my mind (and breaks my heart) how this can happen with Pre-K age students. She is a very tenderhearted child with such personality. She has had a lot of injuries lately. Issues with her pierced ears have cleaned up but she took a large fall at the beginning of March that she still has the scar and pink tissue from in mid May. She also keeps popping up with these weird bruises and one large bite that she got while swimming (we think) about 2 weeks ago on her cheek that is still not healed, it's very puzzling. She has been sewing her oats and pushing her boundaries lately, but it's nothing that isn't normal for her age. She has got  her letter sounds down and can write like no ones business. I heard her sound out an entire book the other day (granted, it was a 4 page board book, but darn it, she did it)! She is very excited for Kindergarten next year and hopefully joining a dance class (she wants ballet and tap) and T-Ball in the fall. 
Mackenzie is doing phenomenal in school. Since state testing for her began in 3rd grade she has been having issues passing said testing, she always chokes and feels rushed. Well, this year with the much debated against STAAR test she feels that she did very well. Plus, on the End of the Year 5th Grade assessments, she passed, with very good marks. Plus she brought her grades up this last term so high, some over 10 points earning her a spot on the honor roll. She is going to finish out Elementary School on a very high note and I could not be prouder of her. She has had a lot of friendship issues. Lots of little girls becoming tweens and getting more cliquey and friendships ending, growing, changing...she is not sure how to handle it. The general consensus has been for her to have utter and complete meltdowns of misery because she doesn't understand how these girls that have been her friends for years can all the sudden not want to be her friend anymore. Mackenzie loves so much and with her whole heart and these changes she is just having a hard time wrapping her head and heart around. We have spent much of the past 3 months watching our daughter mourn for the friendships that she no longer has and doesn't understand why. It's effing heartbreaking to watch. Most of the time I just hold her and cry with her. She is having a lot of self image issues. Being so different from the majority is hard for her. Mackenzie turned 11 on March 21st and she is 5'6'' and overweight. Both of these bother her so much and I can totally understand her feelings because I experienced the exact same issues. She is trying to get healthy, making good choices, but it's a slow going process. She is both elated and filled with anxiety about middle school. Excited for the things that it will bring but petrified that she won't fit in and meeting all the new people. She rolls her eyes most of the time when I speak and everything's a battle. I have to explain myself to death with her and she always has something to say about everything I say. It's exhausting, lol. 


My kids are amazing and bring me constant frustration joy. I am very lucky to have them, and every moment with them and I realize that. Maybe not when I am at my worst, but I am working on it. Overall my children are happy and healthy and I cannot imagine a life or a future without them in it. I love them so deeply and pray every night that I would appreciate the small stuff more, even if it is negative...at least I have it. 


Kristin