Our Struggle and Joy
We had tried to have another baby for 3 years to the date to finding out that we were pregnant again. We were shocked to learn a few weeks later that we were having twins. The pregnancy went very normal and routine until my 28 week doctor's appointment.
Loss
On December 19th, 2006 I was officially 29 weeks pregnant. I went to a routine doctor's appointment by myself because Howard had to work, my mom was sick with the flu and my sister was out of town. The appointment went routinely, I went and started my glucose test and then went in for my ultrasound.
Baby A, Morgan was very low and deep into my pelvis resting on top of my cervix. She was measuring at 28 weeks. After those measurements, she went to Baby B, Madison. She's measuring at 31 weeks and at 4 pounds. Then, after the Maddie's measurements she listened to her heart, beating strong at 160. Then the Ultrasound Tech went to check Morgan's heartbeat and the length of my cervix.
Cervix is okay...Baby A's heartbeat was...not there.
Because she is so low, they thought it might be her placement, so she went to get the doctor to take a closer look. They looked for 10 more minutes. The majority of the fluid around Morgan is gone, her heart has stopped beating and she has started to shrink up. It looks like she's been gone for about 3 days now.
I'm alone, with the technician sitting on the right of me with the Ultrasound machine and to my right is my doctor holding my hand and saying, I'm so sorry.
We had tried to have another baby for 3 years to the date to finding out that we were pregnant again. We were shocked to learn a few weeks later that we were having twins. The pregnancy went very normal and routine until my 28 week doctor's appointment.
Loss
On December 19th, 2006 I was officially 29 weeks pregnant. I went to a routine doctor's appointment by myself because Howard had to work, my mom was sick with the flu and my sister was out of town. The appointment went routinely, I went and started my glucose test and then went in for my ultrasound.
Baby A, Morgan was very low and deep into my pelvis resting on top of my cervix. She was measuring at 28 weeks. After those measurements, she went to Baby B, Madison. She's measuring at 31 weeks and at 4 pounds. Then, after the Maddie's measurements she listened to her heart, beating strong at 160. Then the Ultrasound Tech went to check Morgan's heartbeat and the length of my cervix.
Cervix is okay...Baby A's heartbeat was...not there.
Because she is so low, they thought it might be her placement, so she went to get the doctor to take a closer look. They looked for 10 more minutes. The majority of the fluid around Morgan is gone, her heart has stopped beating and she has started to shrink up. It looks like she's been gone for about 3 days now.
I'm alone, with the technician sitting on the right of me with the Ultrasound machine and to my right is my doctor holding my hand and saying, I'm so sorry.
I lost Morgan? How is that possible! I felt her move. I know I did...yesterday she kicked me like crazy, how can she be gone? I'm too far in my pregnancy! I can't lose a baby at this stage! But I did.
I couldn't walk for 30 minutes, I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't even make out a full word. Finally my doctor got me to call Howard. I didn't say much, mostly broken sentences but he got enough information to know to hurry to my doctor's office. I wanted to call my sister, but knew she was out of town for the day. So, I called my mom. I told her all the details that my brain could remember at that point and I don't even remember saying bye but eventually I hung up the phone, went back into the examining room and cried until Howard got there.
I couldn't walk for 30 minutes, I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't even make out a full word. Finally my doctor got me to call Howard. I didn't say much, mostly broken sentences but he got enough information to know to hurry to my doctor's office. I wanted to call my sister, but knew she was out of town for the day. So, I called my mom. I told her all the details that my brain could remember at that point and I don't even remember saying bye but eventually I hung up the phone, went back into the examining room and cried until Howard got there.
The doctors were confused. The likelihood of this happening to twins who until now have been identical in size, weight, and development. To twins that are in 2 separate sacs, To twins that are 29 weeks gestation, already in the 3rd trimester. Literally the chances were 1% of this happening.
Gaining an Angel
Gaining an Angel
I carried my twins to 31 weeks and 6 days when I suddenly went into labor. Morgan was born naturally, in the operating room while I was being prepped for my emergency c-section (babies were transverse, one on top of the other, sideways). 45 minutes later I had Madison. Maddie was whisked off to the NICU and once I was all closed up Howard and I got to spend our final moments with Morgan.
She was not as small as I thought she'd be. Looking just like Mackenzie. I just kept kissing her hands and feet and playing with the thick hair that was on top of her little head. Our final moments with her were not what I wanted them to be. I had hoped to get a foot and hand mold, so we could have a reminder. I wanted to take numerous pictures of her, hold her to my chest, let my sister, cousin and mom see her. Out of all of that, we took some very out of focus pictures. I couldn't hold her to my chest because I couldn't stop sobbing. When it was time for the nurse to take her away I wanted to scream at her. Tell her no, not to take her, she's my baby, she's Maddie's twin! I don't even have a picture of my twins together. But I let her go. And I cried until I fell asleep.
Birth Announcement
Every good gift comes from heaven above
We were blessed with twins to cherish and love
Born together to grow apart
One in our hands and one in our heart
Morgan was born naturally at 3:15pm weighing in at 2 pounds and 15 3/4 inches long. So beautiful and so perfect looking just like her big sister, Mackenzie.
Morgan was will always be with us in spirit and in our hearts. Howard and I got to hold and spend time with our little angel for a few precious moments. I will never forget those moments I was able to have that sweet baby in my arms.
The following was written in a card that the nurses gave us in the hospital after we had Morgan:
Gone but not forgotten
There is a little angel, with God up in the sky.
She sings a special song, Mommy and Madison please don't cry.
Remember our tummy time and the joy I gave you.
Dear Mommy and Madison please don't cry, I'm watching over you.
In our arms for a moment, in our hearts forever.
♥ Kristin
