Monday, September 19, 2011

We all have mental issues

I was able to get into my parents apartment and get the few articles of clothing left of my fathers, his medicine, some of his toiletries and his USMC Korean War Vet hat. That was all that the apartment complex was willing to let me get out of the apartment. I am thankful that they let me in without an issue and without having to pay off their balance. They weren't nasty about the situation and were generally good spirited about the whole thing when it could of turned out very different.
The chest x-ray for my Dad came back ok. He was a few steps away from having pneumonia but with an aggressive steroid and antibiotic treatment he is feeling better. We went to the doctor again this morning, and his doc said he was fine sickness wise now. His current concern is his mental well being. My Dad has continued having panic attacks and they're becoming more frequent. So, his doctor put him on an anti depressant and some panic attack medicine to help with his mental well being.
He is still very short tempered. When he is not sleeping he is usually freaking out at me or the kids. He is belligerent to say the least and a bit delusional as well. He seems to think that my mom left town to get away from bad influences. According to her, she left town because it was the only way she could think of to get rid of him. I didn't say this to him of course, because I'd rather not give him another reason to freak out on me.
In the past week I have spoken to my mother a few times, all because of my grandmother's health which is not good at all. She barely asks how we are doing. Has not asked once about her grandchildren and has yet to apologize for anything she has done. The anger I feel is so strong I don't know how much longer I can contain it.
Will it do any good to blow up at her? Probably not.
Does it stop me from feeling like I need to and I'm entitled to? Not one bit.
One part of me is saying to tamp it down. Quit thinking about it. Think about the positives in the situation and just go on like it didn't happen. But the other part is like, WTF KRISTIN?! I have to live every day with what happened. I have to clean up the aftermath of her complete and total selfishness and lack of giving a crap about anyone but herself.
I'm torn, to say the least.

I spoke to my sister about this on Thursday. I told her that I felt terrible about not being able to get everything out of the apartment and everything I did do before we were locked out and everything I've done since then. Her response was to tell me that I didn't owe my mother anything. Now that's a novel concept. In my brain I am still paying for getting pregnant at 16 and having her help me through that. Still...11 years later. And she helped me through that for almost 2 years until I was a legal adult. I've been cleaning up after her since BEFORE I got pregnant. Why the hell do I feel this way? Obviously I have some major psychological issues going on here, lol. But dammit, my Sister is right. I don't owe either one of them a damn thing.

...Except maybe a thorough chewing out.

♥ Kristin

1 comment:

  1. I have to keep reminding myself of that when it comes to my family too. *hugs* I wish it got easier.