Tuesday, September 13, 2011


The situation with my parents wasn't like I thought it was in the previous post.

My mom did the bipolar thing and totally wasted away their September funds leaving them with no way to pay their bills so they're being evicted. They are moving close to my mom's parents, in a house my uncle owns and rents out.
The first sentence is correct. The second is as well, except for one word...They.

THEY didn't go anywhere.

She did.

With 2 suitcases of clothing and toiletries.

Leaving her 900 sq foot apartment, everything in it (minus her sectional couch which she sold for money for bus fare) and my father behind, never looking back.

So I am forced to sell, throw away or pack and move into my garage everything my parents own before the 15th of the month when their apartment complex will lock them out of their apartment for nonpayment.
But, they didn't give us until the 15th (which they were within their rights). My dad was locked out today. Leaving My dad's medicine, a ton of toys, everything in their kitchen, all their plants, their flat screen TV, 2 DVD players, their kitchen table and chairs, My great grandmother's marble table and my Dad's entire solid cherry wood bedroom suite that's not even 3 years old.
My new challenge will be to contact their property management company and beg to be let in to get my kids toys and my dad's medicine, which is the only thing I am asking for because I'm sure they want the rest to make up for payment.

Now, lets look at the person that is facing the aftermath. My dad.

My dad's current challenges are the fact that he's 76 years old, has melanoma, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, he's a smoker (2 packs a day), recovering from a stroke (last winter) and has Dementia which causes major mood swings, extreme anger and confusion.

Since this begun my Dad hasn't been feeling well. He's been dizzy and wheezing at lot. He's been complaining of stomach and headaches and having panic attacks as well. The stress is unparalleled. I took him to his doctor today and his blood pressure was through the roof, he had a panic attack while he was in there and his doctor wanted him to have a chest x-ray. So, we did that and now have another appointment in the morning.

My Dad is angry and bitter at my mom and at the situation. He has been constantly screaming at me and the kids. He yells at them for playing with toys, watching TV, playing with each other, even laughing. The tension in my house is so thick it makes me dizzy.

I can't do this.

I can't take care of my family, my kids, my husband, my household and their drama and my Dad. It is just too much. His health is so bad and it's so incredibly time consuming to take care of it all and there aren't enough hours in the day. My kids have barely been home this week. They're not sleeping enough, not eating right, not getting homework done and my house...ugh my house...ew.

So, what do I do? Howard and I have talked about an Assisted Living Facility but if I do that, will my Dad hate me? Will he resent me for leaving him like my mom did? Right now, he's my only parent. I don't want to lose him. But I'm afraid of what I might lose if he stays.

♥ Kristin


  1. Kristin, I am so sorry...i cant imagine the struggle this has and will continue to be. I know it is hard to make the decision for assisted living but that is your best choice. Try to get him close to visit but you need a healthy environment for everyone. Those places are not awful its just difficult to decide.

  2. Thanks Renee. You're right, it is the best choice and there are a bunch of these facilities right here, locally. As soon as this hoopla with his housing situation and health calms down I am hoping to try to explain to him what I'm thinking. My father is a reasonable man, dementia or not. We think alike and I believe he will understand my point of view and possibly agree with it. However, that fear is still there and it will be until the conversation is over.

  3. Kristin!!! I'm SOO incredibly sorry all this is happening to you!! BIG HUGS!!! I agree with Renee. It is difficult to decide, and as much as you love your dad, your kids HAVE to come first!! it is not healthy emotionally and physically for them to be around all this. I'm sure in the end, once your dad has time to think everything through rationally without all the grief and stress that he is handling now, he will understand. love you mama!!! text or call me ANYTIME!!! I'm here to talk!!

  4. kristin - i'm so sorry you're having to face all of this! i had no idea. like your other friends have said, and as i'm sure you feel in your heart, putting your dad in the care of an assisted living center is for the best for HIS health, YOUR mental well-being, AND for your kids' sakes. it's such a tough decision to make, but you can't think, "will my dad resent me?"... you're doing this in his, and everyone's, best interest. i'm always here for you, lady! <3

  5. I think assisted living is the way to go. His health is declining and you have to remember that you have a family that you have to take care of. You will definitely be more sane, plus his health will be able to monitored closely by trained professionals. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I have my fingers crossed that the management company will let you in so you can get whatever you can.

  6. Thanks Jo, you're absolutely right, this situation is not healthy for anyone. He is having a hard time dealing with everyday life at this point. Things are still so up in the air. Thank you for being there, Love you too!
    Thank you Missy (yes, I am going to keep calling you Missy, lol). You're are 100% right and hat you said makes perfect sense. I shouldn't think that way at all, it's not healthy.
    I think so too Kimm, it just seems like an impossible situation to jump into but I am doing some research and trying to get my thought process together. He does need more help then I could ever provide, you're so right.
    I love you guys, thank you so much for your feedback. Having someone in my corner helps more then I could ever express.