#TDPC Day 2

#TDPC Day 2: What I wore today
Simply one of my favorite outfits. Scoop neck, navy blue, long sleeved organic cotton shirt and dark wash jeans. Lots of blue. Very comfortable.

-Kristin

Live wire

A matter of days after my last blog post things with my Dad came to a head. Like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Hello Kitty float head.
We had gone to Houston and picked up my Mom that weekend which ended up in me just spilling my guts to my Mom about my health, depression and anxiety. Her eyes bugged out of her head, it was awesome. The trip all in all was good. It was great to see my Grandfather, steady as ever. Once we got back to Austin though, things changed, like always. My mom...sheesh, you know what, I'm not even going to go there. Lets just say she is drama personified.
My mom had been with us for about 24 hours when my Dad started being like Grumplestiltskin. Let me paint you a picture...he's 76 years old. Sleeps about 18/24 hours of the day in our living room. The only common space in our 1400sq.ft. apartment. So, naturally our kids are going to be in there too, and naturally, they're not very quiet. So he in turn gets annoyed very easily with their noise. They were being kids, around 8:30 at night and we were getting ready to put Parker down for the night. Parker loves shoes, and my Dad always leaves his right on the side of the couch, where he sleeps. So when my Dad got up and saw that his shoes weren't where he left them he got up, looked at my girls and yelled "Where are my God Dammed Shoes?!" when they were about 3 feet from where he put them. Howard hears this behavior (My dad NEVER acts up around Howard, EVER) and gets his shoes and hands them to him and says "You do not need to speak to the kids like that, ever, so please calm down" and then follows me into the room with Parker to put him to bed. My Dad gets up and follows us into the nursery, gets in Howard's face and starts screaming at him. Calling him 'boy' telling him that he can't talk to him like that, cussing and screaming. Howard very calmly puts Parker in my arms (yes he was holding him at the time) and backs my Dad out of the room, calls the girls into the room with me and shuts the door. They then go at it...my Dad is out of control...completely losing it at Howard. Howard at this point gives it right back and tells my Dad if he is going to be like this, he needs to leave right now. He went outside, and stayed out there until about 4am until he came back inside and went to sleep.

Since then, he has been pretty calm and hasn't had too many issues. He has not discussed this, nor apologized for his behavior. It's been over a month and the kids are still wary.

Thanksgiving was great. Family and friends were here, food was wonderful. Our awesome newlywed friends Jamie and Brion actually brought over a live dessert and cooking lesson....deep fried Snickers and Reese's peanut buttercups.

The past few weeks have been filled with getting ready for Christmas, getting all my ducks in a row for my PTA event in January and being sick. I can't seem to shake this cold, bronchial, sinus crap. NOT FUN.

This past weekend was spent at my Grandfather's house for our families Christmas gathering and my Grandfather's 90th birthday celebration...but that's a whole 'nother entry.

-Kristin

#TDPC Day 1

#TDPC Day 1: Self Portrait

Now, you have no idea how hard this is for me...but I managed to snap something with my cell phone so at least I made an effort.


Yes, I have a 5 head. Eat your heart out Tyra. I look like hell because I've been sick for a damn month.

1 down...29 more to go.

-Kristin

#TDPC

I am alive and swear I will update very soon. In fact, I'm already working on an update.

A few weeks ago my dear friend at Razing Mayhem posted about something she saw on Tumblr about a Thirty Day Photo Challenge and I decided to join her in it, as did quite a few others on Facebook and Twitter.
The photo challenge started on Monday and like a lot of avenues in my life, I was a slow starter...i started today. Better late than never, yes?

Here is the Photo Challenge:

Anyone want to join me?

-Kristin

Challenges

Update: Last Thursday my Grandfather, Mom and her siblings were able to scatter my Grandmother's ashes into the Bay. It was an insanely windy day on the water. Some of the ashes went into the water, some blew off in the breeze. They are doing very well, all things considered. They have good and bad days.

We are doing well. Howard has been working as much as he can to prepare for the Christmas Holidays and to make up for the time he has had to take off and will have to take off in the future. I have been busy with...I was going to say the kids, but my Dad as well, doing the every day norm which seems to be more stressful than usual. Getting ready for some PTA events coming up after Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, it's going to be a good one. We're having family and friends over and planning lots of great food and a really great game.

We are having numerous challenges with my Dad. So many that are so embarrassing and out of character for him I don't even want to mention it. Things are not pretty. He needs so much more help than I can provide for him but outright refuses to get help from those who can. He is a very angry person and regularly takes it out on me and the kids. I...don't know what to do anymore. The challenges that having him live with us are so far fetched. So much more than just having another adult in our tiny apartment.
It doesn't help my comping mechanisms to also have another blow to them. I had to quit taking my anxiety/depression medication that I've been on for 3 weeks because Howard and I realized that I was showing symptoms of having an allergic reaction. Looked it up...yep...I'm allergic to it. Annnnnd my Doctor won't return my calls. So I'm unmedicated, way overworked and insanely stressed. Not a good combo.

That's the theme for 2011...challenges. Thank God 2011 is almost over.

-Kristin

So much, so little time

So much has happened over the past 22 days.
Wow, I...cannot believe it's been that long.

So the Wednesday after I posted the last entry my girls got their report cards, which were wonderful and I am very proud of both of them! They are both doing very well. Mackenzie made the honor roll and Maddie exceeded all of the teachers expectations.

The Saturday after that, Howard decided to take an entire weekend off, which he hadn't done since Labor day and he majorly needed it. We had planned on going to Sweet Berry Farms, like we did exactly one year ago but the girls decided they wanted to do something a bit more and asked their Daddy if we could go to the zoo. So, we spent the day at the San Antonio Zoo and had an absolute blast.

The following week was spent on the phone, a lot. My mom kept stressing that my Grandmother was going downhill, quickly. Her body was filling with fluid, and it was just a matter of time until her lungs started to fill as well. On Wednesday, October 26th my Mom called me and told me that my Grandmother (Mama Kay) had slipped into a coma and my aunt was on her way there. Once Mama Kay was surrounded by her children and an amazing Hospice Chaplain, Sissy, they told her it was okay to let go, they were all there, and she needed to let go. My mom told her that her parents were in Heaven partying it up and were waiting for her and that she'd finally get to hold Morgan (whom was named after her). Immediately her muscles relaxed, she smiled, and her breathing evened out. That evening we waited for a phone call, it never came. At 4:38am, on October 27th, 15 days after her 87th Birthday my mom called and said that Booka (my Grandfather) had requested that he was able to sleep next to his wife one last time, and they honored that. At about 4am he woke up to use the bathroom, came back in the room and she had stopped breathing. Always independent, she had to wait until she was completely alone to completely let go. HERE is her obituary, if you'd like to read it.

L to R: Eddy, Trisha (Uncle and Aunt), Philip Jr aka Booka, Karen aka Mom, Kathleen/Kay aka Mama Kay, Robbie and Philip III/Flip (Aunt and Uncle).
Taken in July, 2011.

So, Friday night we packed up and headed to Bacliff, Tx to attend her memorial service and to help with anything that needed to be done for this quickly put together gathering. It was so good to see my Mom and be there for her. I was able to help my Aunts and Uncles out by doing errands and helping set up the memorial service which I was so glad to have a purpose with all of this. The memorial service...was beautiful. The Hospice Chaplain, Sissy, performed a memorial ceremony that was beautiful, personal and touching. Some of the grand kids said a few words, we watched a wonderful slide show of every digital picture taken over the last 10 years or so. We brought copies of photos we had that we placed throughout the house and in photo albums. It was a very nice day, Mama Kay would of loved it.

Since then, my mom has moved in with my Grandfather, until her apartment behind his house is done being built. They are doing as well as can be expected. They will scatter her ashes later this week in the Bay near their home, which was, by far, her favorite place on Earth.

♥ Kristin

Loss Remembrance Day

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.


We couldn't wait to hold you
And see your pretty face.
To count your little fingers,
And check your toes are in their place.

It should have been the happiest day
To remember all our life.
But joy had turned to heartache,
No breath, no beat, no life.

We will never see you smile,
Or hear your hearty cry.
We will never be able to dry your tears,
Or share your happy times.

Our precious little Angel,
We will always know your face.
In our hearts and stars forever,
You will always have a place.

A million times I've missed you, a million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
but to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone,
for my life went with you -sweetheart- the day angels called you home.
For things on earth didn't matter, but now I feel so alone,
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole.
We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together
for one day soon we will hold hands again forever.

My sweet Morgan, the pain I feel for not having you with me, to not see you with your twin is so great I feel it will swallow me whole. I never want to rid myself of the pain, because it is a constant physical reminder, of validation that you were here, that you existed.

Morgan Kathleen
15 3/4 inches-2 pounds
Stillborn on January 9, 2007